It's Been a While....

So it's been a while since I wrote on here, but I felt the need to for some reason. I feel like a lot of things in my life are not going as planned, but if you really really know me, which no one really does, you would know that things have never been all that great in my life. You know how you don't tell people stuff because you feel like they would not understand or they would throw it back in your face at some point in life for whatever reason? No offense, but that's how I feel about the majority of people in my life. I feel like I would be giving them something to hold over my head or be negative towards me about or they just wouldn't understand.

I don't feel like I have a best friend or even a close friend to be honest. A close friend is someone you tell EVERYTHING to. I have certain friends that I tell certain things and others other things. I might tell my friends who are more liberal about the more intimate aspects of my life. I might tell one of my friends who is in the same "situation" as I am those aspects of my life, and so on and so forth.

I am starting to realize how few friends I have in this world. I really don't think I have any. I feel like I just have associates. This blog wasn't even supposed to be about how few friends I have, but maybe it turned in that direction for some reason. As I stated in my past blogs, sometimes I feel like I do more for others than they would ever do for me, part of it is because I wouldn't ask them to do certain things for me. But I RARELY if ever say no to a person who asks something of me, and I know it's wrong to compare what others do for you and what you do for them, and I should do things out of the kindness of my heart, but it's just weird. I always think "would I have said no to this person if I was capable of doing this?" "would I have done this to them?" and the answer is usually no. I ALWAYS help people, but sometimes people start to take advantage of you and you see its time for you to put your foot down.

Seems like I'm always dishing out something to somebody, I RARELY ask for anything in return, and when I do ask, they have something else to do, or they can't for some stupid ass reason. If the reason is beyond your control then whatever, but if its not you need to reflect on some things.

But I'm going to get off that topic and jump on the real reason I decided to write this. I am writing this because I don't feel like I am at the point in my life in which I want to be, seems like a lot of things are going wrong for me, but my mom always says when things are at there worst and it can't get any lower that's when the lord will lift you up. So I am going to keep a positive attitude because I know if I don't have anyone else I have the lord and he will supply all my needs. It might not be when I want it, but it will be right on time! I need my school work to be blessed, my jobS to be blessed, my relationships with others to be blessed, my family to be blessed, and my life to be blessed, and I know the lord will do it, I just have to be patient!

♥ dEDe