Denial is a Son of a bish.... What do YA'LL Think?? (I know this seems endless and goes in CIRCLES but PLEASE READ AND COMMENT)!!!

Ok so I have been having this on going.....discussion with the guy that I talk to/date....whatever. About him sending his female friends money, he says I can't see where he is coming from, and he obviously can't see where I am coming from so, you all tell me what you think....

Ok so this all started some months ago. I guess when we started talking more about different things. Kenneth has two female friends that he is really close with, or so he says, that went to college with him they were roommates, etc. He used to tell me about them and how they were and how he wants me to meet them, etc.

Well, one day I don't remember how long ago it was, but he told me one of them asked him for like $150 dollars, she said for her rent money. So I was like okay that's good, you should help a friend in need. So he told me he put the money in her Regions account or whatever, and that was that.

Then, around Christmas time, the other girl, his friend, asked him for like $50, and he told her no. She then proceeded to say "you got money to buy concert ticket, but you can't give me $50" or something to that effect. ONE it's NOT his job to take care of you. Mind you the concert tickets were part of Kenneth's Christmas gift to me that he bought months ago. Kenneth told me that she said that, but I didn't say anything, but ya'll know how I was thinking, like any other female would think, wtf is this bitches problem?? But since they are Kenneth's "good friends" I was like I'm going to let that little comment slide and just keep it moving.

He ended up not giving her the money and they were MAD at him for a while, which I think is stupid as hell anyway. If you are a real friend your ass would understand if the nigga can't help you and not get pissed off like a spoiled broke bitch.

Well just this month the same girl that asked for the $50 in December asked for like $50 again. So I am thinking, okay I work, I don't be going around asking niggas for money, so why can't these broads do the same??? So I said this to Kenneth, and we end up getting in a realllly big argument. Basically this is what he says (I am just going to call them friend 1 and friend 2):

Well friend 1's dad died and her mom is sick and hasn't worked in months/years and friend 2 has other siblings and her mom is trying to take care of them and her sister is in college and her dad has never been in her life, so they need me. And when I fell on hard times they were there for me in various ways, etc.

My thing with that is, okay the girls parent are sick, helping her, that's fine. But um, as far as this "her mom is a single parent, her dad was never there, I need to help" blah blah blah, nigga you ain't her daddy, that sounds like a personal problem, maybe her mom should have used better judgement, stopped reproducing, etc. But since she is in the predicament she is in, its not your job to help or feel sorry for them.

I was not born with a silver spoon in my mouth, I am a only child, but my mother is divorced, I was raised in a single parent home, my mom didn't keep getting babies that she couldn't afford like many people do, so I was an only child. Did we have it easy? HELL NO, but what did I do? When I was 15, FIFTEEN, I got a job, and I have kept a job every since. My mom was a single parent too, my dad might as well have been a sperm donor, sure he sent child support, but that was enforced by the state, I know for a fact if he wasn't forced to do something he wouldn't. Just the other day I asked him did he know how to spell my first name, I am named AFTER HIM (unfortunately) and he couldn't even do that. So what I am saying is I know what it's like, but my mother also taught me to have a work ethic. I was taught NEVER ask a man for money, my mom didn't even want me to accept gifts from guys, sure that was probably extreme, but I am sure you all can see my point behind this.

I was taught to work for the things I want, not go around begging men for money. Sure, sometimes my mom is there to give me money, but he says they don't have anyone to turn to but him. WELL, what were they doing before you met them??? They obviously made it that far. Sure my mom is there for me when she can be, but that's not 100% of the time! If I can't make a payment on time, I will just have to talk to the people in charge and it's going to have to be LATE. If I want to be a SLOPTART and go get top shelf liquor for the weekend and I am broke dede just won't be going out, or she will be drinking burnett's. If I just want some money in my pocket because I don't have any cause I spent too much and got broke dede is just going to have to wait until next Tuesday when she gets paid. So don't try to get sympathy out of me over that bullshit because you won't, not under those circumstances.

Why do two able bodied individuals need to ask their friend for money every couple of months?? There is a pattern there. Sure you may get in a rough patch, but don't continue to put yourself in that situation, if you need to save SAVE, if you need to work more hours WORK, but don't just overspend and be like it's cool, I can just go ask this nigga for money.

My things is:

1. Friend 2, Get on your shit, okay you dropped out of law school, go find a fucking job.

2. Friend 1, you just graduated, you should have been lining shit up long before graduation.

Sure, times are hard, the job market is tight, but if you really need money, McDonald's is hiring bitch. What I am trying to say is, if you need money, WORK FOR IT, it may not be the job you want, but it's a job. Some of my friends graduated and work at the dollar store, department stores, etc. but I have respect for them because they are trying.

Another thing is, Kenneth pays for school out of pocket. No loans, grants, etc. So why would you even think to ask him for money. You finished with school, get a job, let him finish, DAMN. I can't stand broke and needy hoes.

Sure people fall on hard times. I have had people living on my couch, I have let people borrow money, etc., but if that shit is repetitive it't not okay. He also said they helped him when he had no one to turn to, okay, so you just gone be paying them back your whole life for a month or two? AW OK.

There are VARIOUS reason why I have no sympathy for them. On top of them being college graduates, who are supposed to be responsible, finding jobs, able bodied young women, FRIEND 2 SENT ME A TWEET. Kenneth, Mr. RUN TELL THAT, told them I called them BUM BITCHES. Welp, no shit Sherlock, I surely did, don't bums and panhandlers beg for money??? AW OK. But then Kenneth gone say, "I didn't want it to blow up" well if you go tell someone I called them a bum bitch (which idgaf if he did or did not tell them) do you think its NOT going to blow up??? JUST THINK ABOUT IT. Anyway....

After he ran his mouth, they called him and were talking loud all up in his ear, etc. Talking about let me talk to her. Kenneth is gone try to hand the phone to me, I guess he was trying to let them go off on me or something I don't know, but I was like no thanks I don't want to talk to them. SO the girl gone ask Kenneth what my Twitter was, and of course he told her, and she tweeted me "@DEdeDIOR if you have a problem with your man sending me money, you can take that up with me" Yeah, she eventually deleted it, but she should have NEVER fixed her fingers to type that. That made me loose the last OUNCE of respect I had for her as a woman. Not to mention, while Kenneth was on the phone with them, they're saying to him "I hope you let her know, set her straight" etc. And he's saying "I did, I let her know" Ya'll really don't want to know how I felt about that.

I'm just like aw ok you set me straight? That makes me feel like the person in my life is not going to take my side, he gone hang me out to dry, cause he don't wanna make two broke hoes mad? So I guess I don't have nobody in my corner, considering the fact that he states all the time I don't understand because I have no real friends, and I have no one to care about. Well I am sorry I don't have a team. Do those sound like real friends to ya'll? Like I told him, if those are real friends I thank God I don't have any. And if them helping me would make me indebted to them or have to help them anytime they ask or they get mad then I would have rather stayed at a homeless shelter with strangers. So what do you do when you have no one to turn to and no ones there, there are various charitable organizations that specialize in being there when no one is, and they expect nothing in return.

At first I had slight sympathy for them even after ALL this, and then I see a tweet talking about they are going to LA for All-Star weekend. LET'S REWIND FOR A SECOND: WELL, it was like the morning after Valentines Day, and I was talking to Kenneth, and he slipped up and said he was bout to send one of em a MONEY GRAM. Bitch, why did you need money then, and you're in LA now???? If you so broke stay your broke ass in Tennessee. If you got enough money to go to LA then why are you asking someone who has to pay for school, and work two menial jobs, for money. And why would he be stupid enough to give it to her?????

So yep, I surely did call him a tricking ass nigga. I don't care what he says, that's tricking. And he isn't even getting anything out of it, and before you ask NO THEY DON'T PAY HIM BACK. And he says they shouldn't because friends don't count. He also told me that this situation is something that I have no say so in and I might as well give up etc. That made me feel like well is this a situation I want to be in dede at the bottom of the food chain.....um NO.

So, you say dede, why do you feel so strongly about this? Well because I feel like he is being taken advantage of, I feel like he is being stupid, and he looks stupid. How stupid does it look for him to send her a money gram and not even a week later her ass is in LA, ya'll tell me that ain't stupid??? People will get from you what they think or KNOW they can get from you regardless of if they really need it or not. If they think you will fall for some sob ass story, they gone tell you one, and get what they want, if you're stupid enough to fall for it then they deserve every dime you worked hard for to give them! That was like 6 or 7 hours worth of money that you worked hard for that these bitches probably blow in a matter of seconds. SMH. I think he falls for a lot of bullshit, and he rather get defensive towards me than see the shit for what it really is i.e. them taking advantage of him. He said he wants to feel like someone cares for him because he didn't get that from his family, he likes to take care of people etc. People will see your weaknesses and take advantage of them, IF YOU LET THEM.

I've been there. Welp, I might as well talk about my daddy issues: I have never felt like there was a man, that truely loved me, put me first, cared for me, etc. I don't have ANY inspiring male figure in my family (currently: getting emotional while blogging smh) none of the men in my family even finished high school, my dad did but hell I don't even know him, and he was never there, hell I told ya'll he don't even know how to spell my name. But what I am trying to say is, I guess I turn to guys to look for that male attention that I needed when I was younger, I needed someone to teach me how to ride a bike, and for me to introduce my dates to, and put a bandaid on my knee when I scraped it, and tell me I didn't need a man in my life to feel loved, but I didn't have that. So I know what its like to not feel cared for, I am definitely not all that close to my mom, because she's old school, judgmental, not to mention she had to be both parents, the disciplinarian and the comforter, so I know what it's like to not feel cared for, and to want to give care to others.

Hence me "looking for love/attention" in all the wrong places, Kenneth will be the first to say that I talked to guys that "treated me like shit," he just tweeted it the other day, well those are the reasons behind that.

And like I said I know what its like to want someone to care for, but I also know what its like to CARE FOR THE WRONG PERSON, you have to find that person that DESERVES your care, you can't just do for someone because you need someone to care for. And I guess he is still learning that. He says "we both are a product of our past," but the thing is I have learned from my past and I don't continue to make the same mistakes.

I am starting to think the problems in our relationship are Karma. I know I am not the best person, so I probably deserve some of this relationship grief. I surely have talked to guys who were in relationships, and didn't give it a second thought. I have waited on guys hand and foot who did not deserve it. I am definitely not the picture of perfection. I prayed for God to send me a good guy, and I wanted him to have all the qualities in my blog MY PERFECT Man but I am still trying to figure out if he possess all of the qualities I desire, because clearly the "sound financial decisions" and discernment qualities are questionable. You have to have discernment to know who is your friend, who needs your help, etc, and who is taking advantage of you.

Kenneth tries to make it as simple as "Dede do you want to be with me yes or no?" Dede I decided I want to be with you. In my opinion those are avoidance techniques, because we wouldn't be having this discussion if those facts were in question first of all, and secondly If its not as simple as do you want to be with me. Basically if you make it that simple you might as well say "do you want to be with me? IF SO, you gone have to put up with me tricking on hoes, because that's not going to change?" If he asked me that I would say hell naw, if you name me one woman that is okay with her man sending hoes money I'll give you a million dollars. How about he asked his mom if she would be okay with his dad doing that, or just a friend in a relationship, clearly they would say hell naw, this shouldn't even be an issue. I just don't see the change, this morning he said I came to the conclusion that I want to be with you, I mean okay, but that was NOT what the fuck we were having the discussion about, stop avoiding the issue cause its gonna keep coming up. Either say I want to be with you so I'm going to stop tricking on hoes, or I want to be with you but I'm going to keep tricking" I told him, there are deal breakers for me "no car, no job, no ambition or goals, abuse (verbal or physical), tricking on hoes WHICH SHOULDN'T EVEN BE AN ISSUE" (I have some more deal breakers, but I just wanted to put the big ones out there)

He told me "well I just won't say anything about it anymore" Nigga you saying it is not the issue, you DOING it is, if you're going to do that I don't want to be involved with you, point blank.

Now, to sum all of this up guys if you took the time to read all of this PLEASE leave me a DETAILED comment with your opinion of the situation:

1. Is what he doing okay? Should he continue?

2. Am I reacting in a manner I should not react in?

3. What should I do in the future?

4. Should I just stay and put up with something I don't agree with?

5. Am I wrong?

I would really appreciate your comments!!!

♥ dede